i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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