I wish I could teleport
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
