you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
