Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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