What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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