the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
nutella sex= disaster
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
