i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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