Four minutes until I can fart!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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