there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Congratulations! We have a period
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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