How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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