When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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