He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
