i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
