everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The best revenge is premature balding
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
