oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
