imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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