Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
