After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
