that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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