You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
