I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
