I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
