i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
