Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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