EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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