I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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