how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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