Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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