I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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