just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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