I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
