If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think people are normalizing furries
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
