I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
