I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
