You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
