Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
