I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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