Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
