That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
