dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Mom said you looked used
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
