Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
