I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
