your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
