It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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