Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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