yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
