some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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