if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
