do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
