Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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